The Impossible Recovery (Salma Gamal)

   Early in the morning by her work time, she walked down the gates towards her car, her silky black hair flowing as a running river and her unruffled blue eyes shining as the ray of the sun; however, they were a deep ocean of pain and sorrow. She grabbed the keys out of her messy bag and then suddenly returned them again. No turning engines or driving along the typical road to her work everyday at the same time. She is early today and she is just going to walk, killing that routine that is taking away pieces of her soul every passing day. She started wandering off the street and began looking around her as if she is a child walking alone for the first time. She tried not to remember what the secret of the breach in her eyes is, but how this may happen? It is something essential in her life now, as the air she breathes. No day comes without this reminding her of how dramatic life is. She silenced her thoughts and then smiled,a smile of those who are fooled. She kept walking until her head was about to explode.

"Why did it happen to me?", "Why when I thought that my life is completely perfect did it suddenly prove to me the opposite?", "Why did the love of my life turn out to be the source of my pain?", and "Why is society just the scale for measuring anything?"...

She collapsed by a near seat and started sobbing hardly. She doesn't want her futile work anymore, she doesn't want that look of sympathy from everyone around her and the pity feeling they feel for her, she doesn't want to rely on her parents, or even prove to everyone around her that "Yeah life is perfect and it goes on"; she just hated life, love, and everything that would turn out to be a deceiving lie by time.... She gazed at her left hand, and thought about the missing ring, her divorced husband and all the past 3 months. She started then remembering every single detail of those disastrous months. The continuous fights they had, her husband who was turning into a monster day by day, and finally the continuous hitting that caused her to lose her baby. She sank in her tears again. She is lost and taken. She is no longer that optimistic person; her personality is replaced with a void one. She doesn't know how to face that cruel side of life. She is stuck between her awfully past life and her ill-defined current one with her fractured body and soul. Why was she so stupid?, Why did she trust the belief that yeah, he is "The man of her dreams?", Why did she just convince herself that affection will solve everything?, and finally why could even someone hit and kill a specially blessed piece of him?

A lot of "Why's" struck her mind into pieces, and then she stopped thinking for a second, took a deep healing breath and then looked around her. She found nothing but some serene people who seem to be so in peace with their lives that they woke up at that early time and are just enjoying those empty streets. There is something peaceful and magical about morning times that she never felt, and probably will never feel. How she strongly wished to be as tranquil and as comforted as those people. She laughed then; hope has no way in her cracked soul; yeah, she is starving for any glimpse of light that may turn her life better to the other way, but it just seemed impossible. She wants a baby girl that looks exactly like her, she wants a loving husband that would plant a kiss on her cheek every morning and give her flowers every night, she wanted to have a house with a gigantic library and a garden so she could her share her passion of dogs and books with her mate, she just wanted to live in a peacefully loving house, a simple wish any woman dream of, but she is no longer a normally dreaming woman; she is just an isolated, depressed one whose dreams seem to be some myths of the past.

She kept examining everyone meticulously. A young couple, who seem eternally happy, staring at the sky with its glowing sun, a mum smiling with her daughter as they walk to school, an old woman by the corner of the street feeding the joyfully flying pigeons, a young teenage girl sitting in a nearby seat, reading a book, seeming to completely sink in its events, and finally a middle-aged man walking with his dog. She envied them all; they are all carrying portions of the simple wishes that would enhance her dying soul. She kept thinking about each of them and imagined herself in their places. No way! It will never happen. Then suddenly she found a dog jumping on her lap, as if it wants some pampering. She was shocked then slightly started smiling and played with that cute dog. Her harsh thoughts were vanishing as the dog kept moving and bouncing around her. Then she heard a heavenly soft voice that rang in her ears: "Ma'am, I'm really sorry if Spikey has annoyed you; he just loves to play around with everyone!"

She smiled to the unknown man, whose eyes tell that he has passed a plight similar to hers.She slightly examined him. A tall middle-aged man, with black short hair and deep brown eyes. She felt a click in her heart and then she started talking and telling him that it is okay and that she loves dogs so much. They kept talking as if they both have never talked to any human being for ages. She continued on with the conversation, talking about almost everything she loves, and deep in her mind and heart, she knew that this is the omen she is hoping for and that recovery may seem possible by the coming days……

-Salma Gamal
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